Is Tinnitus God?
If a fish objected to water,
Well that would just be stupid.
And at all times for this tormented soul,
the ocean is “tinnitus” –
incessant, nasty high pitched buzzing,
ringing, noise, whatever you want to call it.
A gunshot near your ears with no protection –
The body is shocked – a cataclysmic event from Outside,
Altering Inside.
And now – inescapably, in you, coming from you.
Sound you hear – and no one else does.
Emotional upheavel as the brain tries to cope with the damage.
now here's the important part, the crucial part,
Feeling miserable is a choice.
In Krishnamurti’s wonderful phrase, “Choiceless Awareness,”
he directs us toward peace.
Peace through transcending our conditioned, reflexive judgments.
So Good, Bad, or Indifferent,
Our opinions are what they are: Extra.
Extra to what is.
What is is, and what ain't ain't, right, remember?
We learned that in the Seventies.
My suffering with this disease, this “dis-ease”,
is directly proportional to something –
but to what?
Answer – how hard I resist.
Oh, how I Abhor this... this Thing, this Aggravation!
This Horrid Sound That Never Leaves!
But "K" makes a marvelous point, yes?
Stop choosing to resist.
Check it out:
Mixed Martial Arts bouts immediately stop when a fighter "taps".
Taps signal Submission, and the tapper has been submitted.
Immediate Relief in the Crisis.
I'll take a lesson from the martial artists submitting, getting submitted.
Take a page from their book.
Look how the submitted get up from the mat with both Defeat and Acceptance.
Whatever caused Tinnitus–a Lifetime in a Loud World, I suppose –
how is my damage so different from the fighter’s cauliflower ear?
– different from my guitar’s many scratches and dings – fifty years’ worth?
I still play it daily – it sounds better than ever.
It’s in fine shape, if you close your eyes.
If you open them and you see those welts and scratches,
it’s your judgment to call it "damage" or "character."
It is What’s So in the physical plane, and your thoughts change it not at all.
Walking the Earth in Senior Citizenry,
living for so long at the effect of this World
and its ceaseless cacophony,
It's been so tiring.
Yet, consider – the Noise is a reaction, a protest.
It’s the body’s way of telling the Operator to Never Do That Again!
"Body Wisdom," we’ll call it.
And then, K’s Sage Advice – Simply Observe – Notice Without Judgment.
"Judgment is a choice, Grasshopper...
Shall we get huffy about it – or not?"
Relax.
Weigh the pros and cons.
Pro – we’re righteous, an Indignant Victim.
Con – there is No Peace.
“Go to sleep, Little One, everything is alright.”
I have no comforting parent now.
Just distant memories of kind words spoken with love.
If I must live with this affliction,
as we each do with our various burdens,
I shall now accept this Major Irritation with a new Détente –
An Agreement with Myself –
To take it as the air I breathe, as fish in water.
It is My Condition, and I shall heed Bobby McFerrin's wise counsel:
“Don’t Worry – Be Happy”
No worry anymore; it does not a lick of good.
How far can I take that?
Can I actually be happy while enduring endless ringing in the ears,
the inescapable sound of a thousand tiny insects?
The highest overtones approaching dog whistles?
If our notion of God, if we use that name...
If we can agree, for a moment, that "God" is
"The Source of All That Is, Was and Ever Will Be"…
Well, that includes Pain, Suffering, Stress... and this Noise.
Determined not to let this Affliction – aggravating as it has been –
Run My Life because I’ve been so triggered by it –
I can choose to accept it, make Peace,
and neutralize its charge.
As Siddhartha came to love the tributaries of the River of his Life,
I might see this as a Gift.
A very high frequency radio channel to Peace Everlasting.
And shift the Polar Axis from Negative to Positive.
“Call for you–it’s God.”
“Yes, Lord, hey, I’m listening over the noise,
so speak up, tell me what to do.”
“My Child, it’s ALL me.”
(So cool, I get to talk to God.)
Right – this life came from God,
and yet, there is no "from" God.
It's all God.
Is Tinnitus God?
That sounds good to me.
7/23
