Is Tinnitus God?
If a fish objected to water,
Well that would just be stupid.
Air, it’s everywhere, not any different.
And... at all times for this tormented soul,
“Tinnitus” – Incessant Noise.
A gunshot by the head with no ear protection –
The body's shocked, a cataclysmic event from Outside,
Altering Inside.
And now, inescapably, In You, coming From You.
It’s what you hear –
and no one else does.
An emotional reaction is normal as the Brain copes with the Damage.
Crucially, though, Misery Is A Choice.
In Krishnamurti’s wonderful phrase, “Choiceless Awareness,”
he teaches a way toward Peace,
through transcending our conditioned, reflexive judgments.
Good, Bad, or Indifferent, our opinions are predictable.
My suffering with this “dis–ease” is directly proportional to something–but To What?
Exactly this: how hard I resist.
Oh, how I abhor this Thing, this Aggravation,
This Horrid Sound that never subsides.
But K makes a marvelous point, yes?
Stop choosing to Resist.
MMA bouts stop once a fighter taps.
Taps signal Submission, and the tapper has been submitted.
Immediate Relief in the Crisis.
I'll take a lesson from the martial artists submitting, getting submitted.
Take a page from their book.
Look how the submitted arise from the mat with both Defeat and Acceptance.
Whatever caused Tinnitus–a Lifetime operating in a Loud World, I suppose –
how is my damage so different from the fighter’s cauliflower ear?
– or different from my guitar’s many scratches and dings–fifty years’ worth?
I still play it daily–it sounds better than ever.
It’s in fine shape, especially if you close your eyes.
If you open them and you see those welts and scratches,
it’s your judgment to call it "Damage" – or "Character."
It is What’s So in the physical plane, and your thoughts change it not at all.
Walking the Earth in Senior Citizenry,
for so long living at the effect of this World and its Ceaseless Cacophony,
It's so tiring.
Consider – the Noise is a Reaction, a Protest.
It’s the Body’s way of telling the Operator to Never Do That Again!
"Body Wisdom," we’ll call it.
And then, K’s sage Advice – simply observe or notice without judgment.
"Judgment is a choice, Grasshopper.
Shall we get huffy about it or not?"
Relax. Weigh the pros and cons:
Pro–we’re righteous, the Indignant Victim.
Con–there is No Peace.
“Go to sleep, Little One, everything is alright.”
I have no comforting parent now.
Just ancient memories of words spoken with Love and Benevolence.
If I must live with this condition, as we each do with our various burdens,
I shall accept this major irritation with a New Détente –
An Agreement With Myself –
To take it as the air I breathe, as fish gulp water.
It is My Condition, and I shall heed Bobby McFerrin's wise counsel:
“Don’t Worry–Be Happy”
No worry anymore; it does not a lick of good.
Just how far can I take that?
Can I actually be happy while enduring endless ringing in the ears,
the inescapable sound of a thousand tiny insects?
The highest overtones approaching what dogs hear?
If, despite our notions of God and readings from ancient Holy Scriptures...
If we can agree (for simplicity's sake) that God is:
"The Source of All That Is, Was and Ever Will Be"…
Well, that includes pain, suffering, stress... and this.
With a determination not to let this condition – (aggravating as it has been) –
Run My Life because I’ve been so triggered by it –
I choose to accept it, make peace and neutralize its charge.
As Siddhartha came to appreciate the tributaries to the river of his life,
I shall see this as a Gift,
A very high frequency radio channel to Peace Everlasting.
I’ll shift the Polar Axis from Negative to Positive.
“Call for you–it’s God.”
“Yes, Lord, I’m listening over the noise, tell me what to do.”
“My Child, it’s ALL me.”
(So cool, I get to talk to God.)
Right–this life came from God, and yet there is no "from" God.
Is Tinnitus God?
That sounds good to me.
7/23
